I ALSO BROKE BOTTLES

A notable trait I had while growing up was anger. Never make me angry because if you do, you won't like me. I remember fighting my teachers who provoked me. They would flog me quite alright, but I would ensure that they disengaged from everything they were doing just to spend at least an hour on me. 

At home it was the same thing. You dare not beat me if you don't have enough time to spend on me, because I will create one for you. I was so stubborn that my mum called me a devil on several occasions. 

Even when I got born again, anger was still my weak point. I wanted it to leave me but didn't know how. I remember one time, after I had given my life to Christ and was working so hard to please God, my elder brother provoked me. All of a sudden my adrenaline rose up . It was as though my blood vessels would burst. All arteries and viens were out. 

I quickly rushed to my mum to complain, but she was so busy with what she was doing that she didn't pay attention. Then I said to her, wait now and see what will happen. I hurriedly picked a bottle around, broke it and ran towards my elder brother. I was going to stab him. 

Hmmmm.... Guess what? On the way, I suddenly heard a voice say; "but you said you were a Christian". I Immediately held myself back, fell to the ground and started weeping. "So I could still break bottles after all the efforts put in to live right with God?" I asked myself as I cried.

Don't forget at this time I had started leading prayers in church as a young teen. I couldn't imagine what God would say and how my church members would take it. I wept and wept. I lost all confidence in myself. I thought the righteous life wasn't for me. "Maybe I should forget about all these church things and live a wayward life since it is looking impossible for me to live right" I thought. I couldn't stand living in hypocrisy.

I truly gave up on myself. But God didn't give up on me. He held me close and kept me going. He made me see reasons to believe that it was only a failure and that I could still be better. Years have gone by brethren. I can testify that that anger is gone. I have watched myself go through things that I would have otherwise reacted to in anger, but in all of those I've seen God prevail over my heart with peace like a river. 

I don't know what your weaknesses are. I don't know what that besetting sin of yours is. Perhaps you have messed up severally until you've come to believe that holy living is not for you. That's a lie dear. Don't let those failures make you think the worst of yourself. God is still able to bring out sweetness from your life.

You might have promised not to fornicate again, but now, you just did it again. Oh no... I understand how you feel, but don't give up yet. God is still able to clean your mess and help you stand.

Just go to him with all your heart. He is able to succour you. I pray that God will give you feet to stand for him.

Shalom.

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